Walking up my local high street today, I almost got attacked. Not by person, but by Pigeon. Now normally, most “flying rats” have the common sense to steer well clear of people, some, on rare occasion take to flying towards people but ultimately loosing their nerve in enough time to swiftly wing it 90 degrees and away from the somewhat flustered but otherwise unharmed person.

Today, for the first time in my life, I had a dirty black Pigeon decide to enter into an unprovoked game of chicken with me! Out of nowhere this beast came, flying straight towards me, naturally, I stood my ground and continued forwards, with the firm belief that this bastard Pigeon would have the good grace and common sense to not even attempt such a daring feat as attacking a human. I was wrong. This winged demon would not be swayed, it aimed straight for my face, eyes glinting with firey wrath, it’s beak aimed sharply at my eyes. I actually had to duck, I bowed my head as this black feathered monster screamed just a hairs width from the top of my head.

Of course, that’s not the horrible part. it’s the aftermath, the humiliating eyes of Joe public watching you as you bring your head back up, and carry on going. Oh they saw what happened, they saw the man duck from a harmless little Pigeon, they saw the once proud gentleman be reduced to such a fool, that he was scared of a mere bird. But they weren’t in my place, they didn’t gaze into the maw of hell as I did.

I guess at times like that, all you can really do is chuckle to yourself, mutter “bloody Pigeons” under your breath, and get on with it. But you’ll always remember that moment when you were confronted by the abyss, and you backed down.

Now THAT’S Sensationalism!